The Universe is the work of fiction,
and everything in it is His divine imagination.
While every precaution has been taken in the preparation of this book, the publisher assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions, or for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.
WHO AM I
First edition. August 16, 2017.
Copyright © 2017 Kamaljit Singh.
Written by Kamaljit Singh.
This dedication is made from deep within my soul to my wonderful
mother. She has been my strength when I've fallen weak, she's been my
rock when I've lost the courage to speak and when I've lost the courage
to reach out. In the isolation of abundance I found the power to make a
change.That change came from the simplest watery, black coloured element
we call ink.
My knowledge and the ability to build my horizon from the narrow typical mindset once held has developed into a man that I proudly say, and am not ashamed to admit, a woman is our leader, our power, and our strength. Without the existence of one, who am I…
This book is also dedicated to all the mothers around the world. A special thanks to a lovely person inmy life, who is the rock andmy muse that inspires me to write something worthwhile every time.
This book is amark of respect for people fighting with mental illness, such as depression and bipolar disorder, and was greatly inspired by the book Psychotic Imprisonment byMaryyaDean Rajkumar.Her book had a huge impact on my understanding of mental health.
A sincere thanks to my editor, Elizabeth Wilson, for her patience and her words of wisdom and for being a part of my vision. And above all, I thank God for giving me my life back and blessing me with such wonderful people who are my support system.
Answers will surely lighten you,
but it's the questions that will ultimately enlighten you.
The whole universe is a big question, and our very existence in itself is the biggest question of them all. When a child is born, or for instance, when we are born we come with a question paper.We view the world and everything that there is with a big question mark! In our eyes we ask so many questions every day! Sometimes we ask such questions whose answers are nearly impossible to give. It is during that time, we come across a word called “God,”
Whether one believes in the word or not that is a separate argument.
But at least once during our lifetime we do hear about it.
And then arises this question about who is this God? And as we step
into our teens, we are bombarded with a series of questionnaires which
leave us confused, and we turn to our elders or our friends for the answers.
We get answers for some, though, the quest continues.
There comes a time when we stop asking questions and start listening
to our brain.That is when we grow up and get busy in the chores of the
world. All the questions that we had in our life prior to that becomes
meaningless and suddenly we get trapped in the more important questions
of life, like taxes, politics, gossip, etc. Our quest for answers suddenly
is shifted to a search for happiness and peace.We believe that acquiring
substance and wealth will give us that. But even after we accomplish
everything, we find ourselves lost in the midst of an ocean alone in an
empty raft not knowing in which direction to proceed. There is no sign
of any land or a destination called happiness and peace.
We find ourselves heartbroken and in misery. But we are not alone.
There again stands a question with us, and it comes with even more questions,
such as: What wrong have we done? Where did we go wrong?
Where is happiness and peace? Am I on the right path?
And we turn back and see that same old child waving at us through
the dense clouds, again asking us the questions which were left behind
It seems delusional, we are not able to differentiate between the two.
And then arises another question, whether this or that is true.
This reminds me of an ancient Indian story of a great King named
The story goes as follows...
There was a Great King in the ancient world of India, called King Janaki. His might was next to none. He was the wisest and his heart was the kindest. His kingdom spread through all the realms of that world. King Janaki was the mightiest ruler of his time.
On one blissful night as he was lying on the luxurious piece of cloud
called the royal bed, watching over the foreplay between the moon and
the stars, he was called back by his Prime Minister with the news of the
enemy ablaze to attack his kingdom at that auspicious moment of night.
As swift as the sparks of fire, the King jumped into his shiny armour
and was ready to test his iron. And, of course, there was a fierce collision
between two great forces, and King Janaki was thrown down on his
knees. In a flash of a blade his kingdom was taken away, and he was left
only with hismiserable life, of course, by courtesy of the new ruler!With
his broken body and mind, the fallen King was cast out as a leper, with
nobody to heed to his wounds and his hungry self.
All the subjects feared the wrath of the newly crowned king, so the
fallen King was forced to disguise himself as a lowlife and crawl like a
wounded serpent in search of his life and respect.
With not even a drop of energy in the despicable excuse for his body,
he roved around in search of just as little as some pieces of grains or even
grass, but the greatest of the great was deprived from such a luxury.
He could not endure the pain and the suffering and had given up on
his frail body long time ago. But for some reason he was still breathing
and his heart was still pounding. After being bounced like a rock from
high plains during the monsoon, King Janaki found himself at the footsteps
of a temple. His spirit of hope lit up again as he spotted from a distance
a rich figure serving some rice to the poor and unfortunate.
The most unfortunate of them all made his best effort, and this time literally crawled like an earthworm, to reach his salvation. It took him a lifetime to be the part of the procession, but he finally touched the finish line.
To add to his vicious circle and his agony, all the food of the world vanished as it took several hours for the agile emperor to reach the destination. The richest of the rich then begged and begged and begged until some kind heart was able to arrange for some leftovers, which were supposedly kept for the animals.
It was like conquering the three worlds for the poor soul and he
jumped like a wolf out of starvation, but it was the vulture that kept a
keen eye on him and snatched it away from him. The conqueror of foes,
who once watched the birds singing on a clear day, now was watched upon
by a hungry vulture to enjoy his ruin.
It was the limit of all limits, and patience was out of his core! He cried out in despair.He shouted his heart out so that theGod could hear. He looked at the vulture’s lusty eyes, with the blazing sun above his head. He surrendered unto him and said to him, “You can take me now! I can be your great meal.” He pounded on his chest as hard as he could, with a wish of being dead.
The ministers heard the King’s cry and ran with all their army to attend to the need of the great. “Are you all right, Your Majesty?” They shook him, holding his hands. When King Janaki saw his ministers around him, he was stunned with the ease of relief! For it was just an awful nightmare, but too hard for his mind to not believe!
He stared at all of them, with his eyes fixed in one place. He looked at the sky to search for the beast. He looked towards the sun. He felt the breeze. All the others present with him were as much surprised to see their wise king behaving unlike himself. One of the ministers gathered some courage and dared to enquire about the scene. “What are you seeking my Lord”? What is it that you need?”
To which in answer the great king asked him a question whose answer was not so easy to give. “Is this real? Or was that real?” King Janaki asked. And he kept on asking it to everyone he met. His ministers, his courtiers, even his queen. He asked the same question to everyone he met, similar to a child.
The news spread in all the four corners of the world, and all the affairs of the kingdom were kept on hold. Everybody in the kingdom was worried about the well-being of their kind king. It was thus a matter of great concern.
Fortunately, a great Sage by the name of Ashtavakra Muni heard
about the mighty emperor and thought of helping him and his people.
He was the Sage of great wisdom and hence the world rejoiced with
hope! And as soon as Ashtavakra Muni made up his mind he headed to
the king’s court.
Everyone was vigilant that day in the kingdom to watch what the great Sage could achieve. As Ashtavakra Muni entered the royal court, he was welcomed with great honour and hope. The Great Sage greeted King Janaki with respect and twinkle in his eyes. “How are you, oh great King?” he asked.But the reply was just as expected. “Is this true or was that true?” Thewhole court was once again under the dark cloud of helplessness. They were expecting a quick genie act, as most of us expect, to give a quick fix! And they began to lose their cool.
So Ashtavakra Muni once again asked the King, “How are you, oh great one?”
But the king’s answer remained the same, “Is this true or was that true?”
What that the great Sage next asked the stunned audience, as he knew what the King was referring to. Ashtavakra Muni asked them, “When that vulture attacked you and threw you in the mud, when you were in misery and pain, was all this in your power? Your possession? Your army? Your queen? Were they there with you?”
It was not what the king or anyone in the public ever imagined to hear. All were puzzled and had a question mark on their faces! For the first time in a long while the king replied humbly, “They were not, Oh, Great Master! None of these were there, there was only defeat, sadness, depression, pain and agony.
What the Sage was referring to was only for King Janaki and he knew it. The rest of the world was just looking at each other!
Ashtavakra Muni asked the King again, “And today, here amongst
your soldiers and your ministers, all that defeat, depression, mystery,
pain, and agony which were there, is that here?”
King Janaki replied, “No, Great Master! That is not here...”
Then the great Sage said, “Oh, Dear King, all those terrible things
you referred to were a dream which were present there and which are not
present here anymore...
“Neither is this true, nor was that true! All that you see here today
was not there in that terrible dream. And all the terrible sufferings that
you experienced in that nightmare are not here with you today.”
The King could not take his eyes away from the Muni. He was in
shock, like most of us could have been. He had the same question in his
mind as we all have today...
King Janaki, this time in a feeble voice asked the Sage, “So, Oh
Knower of All, do you say that none of this is true?”
Ashtavakra Muni asked him yet another question, “That day when
you were crying terribly in the mud, did you witness that yourself?”
The King replied, “Oh yes, Teacher, I was a witness to that. It may be
false today but I have lived it and experienced the pain.”
The Sage asked him again, “Today, when you are seated on your high
chair, present among all of us, are you also witnessing all this?”
The King again replied, this time in amazement, “Yes, Oh Great
One. I am witnessing all this today.”
And then in the end the great Sage, AshtavakraMuni, concluded by
saying, “Oh Great King, listen to this very carefully. Neither the dream
nor this reality is true. But you alone are the witness of all this and that.
“You alone are true...”
We go through the same situation at some point of our life, when nothing makes any sense. And we feel terrible, depressed, or in pain. We get lost in the raft of our life looking for answers in the wrong places. And
the funny thing is we do not know what it is that we are exploring. We
see as that child from the cloud and try to find answers there, we witness
both situations at once.
But we forget that all the answers are within ourselves, which is the only reality.
So let us all embark on a journey within ourselves and find out the answer to the most ancient question of all time, and know for ourselves, about the one called “I.”
Let's together find out. Who Am I?
Am I a question?
Or am I the answer to it all?
Am I the dust which bears a name?
Or am I just a name?
What am I?
What is mine?
What is the self?
Who is the self after all?
Let's ask the self, for the self knows it all.
I am in the self!
Only can the self see!
And only the self knows.
That I am the question and I am also the answer.
I am the myth and I am also the legend born of it.
I am the wheel and I am also the fire.
I am the hunter and I am also the prey.
I am the weapon and I am also the hand that sways.
I am the greatest invention and I am also the necessity.
I am the one who built the city.
I am Steve Jobs. I am Barrack Obama. I am Michael Jackson. I am Justin Bieber.
I am the finest of them all.
I am also a mother's only child that dies in the war.
I am Mother Teresa, and I am also 9/11.
I am hell! And I am also Heaven.
I am love, humanity, sacrifice, and compassion.
I am also art, music, movies, and fashion.
I am everything! And I am nothing at all.
I am the sun, the moon, the stars, and the infinite galaxies.
I am in it. And I am also it.
I am the universe! And within me it is.
So now I know that
I am just an illusion.
Again! I am only a myth.
I am but the product of his divine wit.
I do not exist.
I am His Word. I am His Plan. I am His Hand.
I live in a vessel, but I am not that vessel.
The vessel is just sand.
I travel through time.
I am eternal.
I am not bound to seconds, minutes, hours, days, years or centuries.
I live in a place where exist no chronologies.
I was not born and never will I die.
I cannot be killed nor be destroyed.
I am the part of Him.
I am the reflection of His divine beam.
I am powerful.
I am perfect!
I am the manifestation of the Only Powerful.
The Only Perfect!
The Only Truth!
The Self Supreme.
So why do I worry?
Why do I care?
Why do I cry?
Why do I feel the despair?
Worry not! I am just under a spell.
When I see the Truth,
Truth, will I compel.
Reality is the information that the brain collects
with the help of our five senses.
Fact does not require the approval of any such opulence.
But the truth
was, is, and will be present in all the tenses.
Reality is manipulative.
Fact is subjective.
But the Truth is the only human objective.
You cannot believe everything you see.
You cannot see everything you hear.
You cannot hear everything you feel.
You cannot feel everything you smell.
You cannot smell everything you see.
You cannot see everything you believe!
Only Believe in the Truth!
The rest will follow.
I had a Dream last night.
In it I was a King.
I had all the zest, the zing, and the bling.
But I woke up with the sound of the Ching
Just to find out that there hadn't been such a thing.
I was still in my pj's,
Late again for my daily slogging!
“Can I be the King again?” I thought.
Can I ever live my dream?
Said, my poor brain.
It's not how we play our game!
We have a job to do, a stomach to feed,
That’s not our life to lead.
Said the Beats of my Heart.
Maybe you are destined for it from the start.
How should you know if you don't try?
Remember a Harry Potter lives today,
Just because a single helpless mother